Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
