can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
