I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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