I like my sex mixed with concussions.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
