I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
