she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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