ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
