So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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