I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
