I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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