I accidentally burped into my bong.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
