overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
