please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
