Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
