omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
