good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
