hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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