I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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