one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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