yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
