So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
