dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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