He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
