Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
