Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
