some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
