I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
