If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
