do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
