Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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