That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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