I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
