I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
