My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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