matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
