i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
