Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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