The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
