Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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