Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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