you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
