Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
