after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
