sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Life without a bra equals bliss.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
