She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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