My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
