If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
