OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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