How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
