Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
