last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
