I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
