OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just blew my weed a kiss
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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