I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
